The Big 38 … or … Notes from a “Hapless” Romantic

No, I wish I could say I was only turning 38 … actually Carol and I just celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary. Yes, we are probably the original Mr. and Mrs. T-Rex, still married after all these years. Carol attributes it to the fact that we are both basically too lazy for the angst of divorce, too comfortable to have to go out at night (except if it’s CompUSA), and the fight over Gabby and Tigger would be a bloodbath with no survivors.

So you might ask, “Charles, how did you celebrate the special day?” According to history, we are caught between the coral (35th) and ruby (40th) anniversary and the modern anniversary gift list says this is the tourmaline anniversary. First off, what the heck is tourmaline? Second of all, if you know Carol at all, she’s not one for impractical gifts (unless it’s a handbag and has LV etched somewhere.) So we decided on a joint gift — a new toilet for our master bathroom.

Our house is a typical Florida ranch from the 60s, replete with old plumbing that moans and groans and runs water at irregular intervals. I’ve replaced so many parts in the toilet tank, we could have bought 10 toilets by now (and I know many of you are in the same boat!) So we decided the time was right to treat ourselves to one of the new and improved models — the Cimarron! I still haven’t figured out the significance of a toilet with a name like a gun-slinger but Tony, our local home improvement salesman (a Sopranos extra, I am convinced) convinced me this would change my life! So, after he made me “an offer I couldn’t refuse”, I made the big purchase and miraculously, “No more – Fear of Flushing!”

Go ahead. Bring on the jokes. It’s not as if we haven’t thought of them too. Take your pick:

1. The anniversary gift really bowled her over.
2. The anniversary gift left her flushed with pleasure.
3. It was a throne befitting a Queen!

Charles Felix, Publisher and Hapless Romantic!