The Life of Riley – er – Bob!

Every family has one. That one relative who defies normal description, doesn’t fit onto his appointed branch in the family tree …well, meet my brother-in-law Bob! In terms of “shtick,” Bob is out on a limb all his own. Married to my eternal not-so-secret crush Bobbi (Carol’s sister), Bob exists in a universe most mortals only dream about. You see, Bob has been enjoying his own version of assisted living since he married over 30 years ago. Ask Bob to make a sandwich and he stares at you with big brown eyes, asking for a roadmap to the kitchen. Ask Bob to help carry a load and he’ll regale you with his latest tennis elbow or heart flutter. In short, he doesn’t lift, move or repair ANYTHING! (That’s my job.) He has never used a barbecue grill, and has only recently stepped into a grocery store. Another facet of Bob’s peculiar charm is his frugality. Don’t even think about trying to use the air conditioning or heat at Bob’s house. If it was up to Bob, the house wouldn’t have such frivolous and costly utilities. He’s even been know to sneak down and adjust the guest room thermostat around 3 a.m., if he hears it running in the night. In fact, Carol and I have discussed booby-trapping their stairs on our next visit!

Then there’s Bob the gourmand. You’ve heard the phrase, “Eating like the Russians are at the door?” Bob eats like the entire universe is knocking. Nothing instills fear like sitting next to Bob at dinner when the plate has to pass by Bob first. And don’t even think about lingering over a meal … as far as Bob’s concerned that’s as good as announcing open season on your plate.

But, lest you think him the proverbial beer guzzling, sports surfing, couch potato … hold on. This man is a superb athlete, ranked in the state of Georgia in tennis. If it involves a ball and sneakers, Bob is your man, up for any match, no matter how hot or cold, how long the contest. Consequently, he’s in great shape for a just-turned 65 … hey, he’s in great shape for a 40-year-old.

And so, I dedicate this month’s publisher’s note to my brother-in-law Bob, long may he lob!