One of the most difficult things to face in life is realizing that our loved ones, who have always been able to live independently, may no longer be able to take care of themselves. No matter how positive a relationship you have with your parents or senior family members, it’s still a very difficult discussion to have, and one that is emotionally taxing for all involved.
According to Joe Martin and Rosie Inguanzo-Martin, cofounders of Allegiance Home Health & Rehab, there are ways to approach the subject that can result in a more constructive conversation. “When you discuss these types of issues, the chances are very high that your parent or loved one will not see things the same way you do,” explained Joe. “You believe that they need additional support; they may think that you’re taking away their independence. But you need to have a heart-to-heart and tell them about the things that you’re noticing.”
“One of the best ways to do this is to remove the emotional aspect from the conversation—to avoid personal judgements,” added Rosie. “For example, instead of saying, ‘Last Wednesday, I walked in and the house was a mess,’ say something like, ‘I notice the laundry has built up—do you need help?’ Base your conversation on facts instead of emotions.”
While it’s easier for those who live near their loved ones to monitor what’s going on—to see expired food in the refrigerator or that mail is not being picked up, for example—people who live farther away may have a more difficult time discerning if the person needs help. For this reason, Joe suggests asking open-ended questions during phone calls, which requires them to provide more complete responses instead of yes or no answers.
During the conversation, it is likely that your loved one will have a number of objections, the most common of which is that they are fine and don’t need help. Another is that they are worried that by having someone come into their home to help, they are losing their independence. “The truth is, when they have someone to go to the store to get them fresh, healthy food, or to do their laundry so that they have clean clothes, they are able to remain independent longer,” said Rosie.
“Without this kind of support, they may not make it to doctors’ appointments, or out to socialize with friends, or to the store to run errands,” she added. “When they’ve got a caregiver to help with dressing, hygiene and driving, among other things, they are able to get out into community and maintain their social independence. They remain healthier as a result of having a caregiver who will remind them to take their medication—who makes them healthy meals and takes them out for physical activity. And having someone checking in on them daily, or weekly, keeps them safe.”
Depending on a client’s needs, Allegiance can provide both non-medical and medical services. Medical services include skilled nursing, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, nutritional counseling and social services provided by licensed clinicians. Non-medical services include personal care assistance such as bathing and dressing, homemaking—including meal preparation and light housekeeping—and companionship and transportation.
Because many older adults are wary of allowing strangers in their homes, Allegiance employees are fully vetted. They are required to have Level Two criminal background checks and undergo a stringent interview process. “We are more than willing to bring the caregiver to meet with the family and the client at the same time,” said Joe, adding that this interview process tends to make loved ones feel more comfortable. Caregivers are also continually monitored through telephone checks and supervisory visits to the house by nurses and case managers.
One last objective often raised is about costs, and whether families can afford these types of services. “We sit down and figure out the optimal amount of hours needed for a caregiver to help the loved one remain at home living independently, and then look at all of the financial means available, including long-term health insurance, veterans’ benefits, and the family’s ability to fund care,” said Joe. “Most families who have a loved one in need figure out a way to make it work, and we try to make it as easy as possible for them.”
