School is out, the extra-curricular activities are over for the year and everyone is looking forward to a slower schedule during the summer months. Most families contemplating a divorce tend to put things on hold during the summer while the children are around and not occupied with their regular activities and lives. At first glance, this seems like a smart idea. But when a little more thought is put into it – summer is the perfect time to address divorce issues with your spouse and children.
So why is summer a good time to do this? For starters, many children attend sleep away camp during the summer or visit grandparents or family who live in another state. The best time to tell your spouse you are thinking about a divorce is while the children are away. Every person reacts differently to the news that their spouse is thinking about leaving the marriage. If this conversation happens while the children are away, each person has the ability to talk without worrying if the children will overhear what is being discussed or to have an emotional response without worrying how it will affect the children.
You can really focus on yourself and your spouse can really focus on his or herself while the children are gone. If you are the one who wants to leave the marriage, you may need to have patience with your counterpart. This may be completely out of left field for your spouse and he or she may need a few days to process your request before you can have any discussion. If your spouse tells you they want a divorce, this gives you time to process your shock, hurt, anger and any other feeling that comes up.
When your children return from camp or travel away, you will want to tell them and give them time to process the news before school resumes and activities kick in to high gear. Talking to them during the summer will allow them to process without the pressure of taking tests or doing homework. You and your spouse may decide that your children would benefit from speaking to a therapist. Commencing therapy during the summer when children have more time, may be the best way to help your children process the divorce. Most importantly, children will need extra reassurance and love after they have been informed of a divorce.
