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There are more than 65 million caregivers in this country who experience stress, frustration and illness caused by their responsibilities. Family caregivers are especially vulnerable; they try to balance multiple roles placing real demands on their time and attention. That compounds the stress they experience. Too many of them ignore the most important thing on this journey – to take care of themselves.When speaking to patients and their families, I use the analogy of an oxygen mask. Picture yourself on an airplane. When the oxygen mask falls in front of you, there is a clear expectation of what you should do. The first rule of safety is that you put on your own mask before helping anyone else. Prioritizing self-care is one of the most important, and one of the most often forgotten, things a caregiver can do.
As a caregiver, myself, I often remind others that finding a balance is always easier said than done. An example of this occurred when a patient suffered a brainstem stroke. He became very agitated and was unable to walk, speak or eat by himself. As the primary caregiver, his wife found herself resenting her husband and feeling terribly guilty about it. She had planned a trip to see her family and wanted to cancel because of her husband’s condition. Her children encouraged her to take advantage of the respite services hospice offered so that she could get away. She went reluctantly. After getting some much needed rest, her sense of purpose was renewed. Upon her return, she realized how much she missed her husband.
Many caregivers feel they are being selfish for putting their own needs first or inadequate if they seek help. Regardless of who is the recipient of their care, it’s important that the caregiver identify personal barriers and find ways to move past them. Providing care for a child is expected, even though difficult and frustrating at times. Caring for a parent can present considerable challenges. It also can prove to be extraordinarily meaningful and personally rewarding. An adult child’s time, assistance and presence are a gift beyond measure to their elderly mother or father. However, we can be sure that the parent would want to know that their son or daughter was taking care of themselves as well.
