The holidays are nearly upon us. They commence with Rosh Hashana in September and conclude with the New Year celebration on January 1. If you and your spouse are considering a divorce, you can help your children through the transition by maintaining holiday traditions. For example, if you always spend Thanksgiving at your parents’ residence and Christmas Day at your spouse’s parents’ residence, do that this year, even if you are separated and living apart. If you do not feel comfortable spending time with your spouse and his/her family during the holidays, allow your children to honor the traditions.
If you are concerned that your spouse may try to take over the holidays with the children or attempt to control your holiday celebrations with the children, now is a good time to discuss holiday timesharing with your attorney. If there is no agreement or Court order in effect, then anything goes and there is nothing requiring anyone to share the holidays fairly or in accordance with traditions the family engaged in during the marriage. What usually happens is the spouse with the children on the day of the holiday will just keep them for that holiday. This can lead to problems when holiday plans are not clearly agreed to in an agreement or Court order.
Having an open conversation with your spouse is the first step. If you cannot agree to holiday timesharing without involving attorneys, then speak to your attorney as soon as possible to resolve these issues. Holiday timesharing is not an emergency according to the Court, so if you wait until the last minute, chances are, you will not get what you want. Remember to be fair and put your children first. They do not want to eat two (2) Thanksgiving dinners simply because you and your spouse cannot agree who will have Thanksgiving this year. Remember that you love them more than you want to fight with your spouse and work on enjoying the holidays.
