School Shootings Is the New “Tough Talk” to Have with Your Kids

Parkland, Florida is a quiet, unassuming town located in Northern Broward County. Until yesterday, the quaint city’s biggest claim to fame was being the hometown of Chicago Cubs player, Anthony Rizzo (also a graduate of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School). And now, Parkland has become infamous because of the unexplainable and horrific events from February 14, 2018.

 

This high school – my high school – gave so many current and former students like myself the most wonderful memories. And now, I along withso many others reading this article are shedding tears over this tragedy. The halls and fields we enjoyed, will be forever transformed in our hearts and will become known as the school where an unfathomable shooting occurred. In a matter of minutes, Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School’s legacy of peace and excellence was transformed by a former student’s indiscriminate rant of violence. In a matter of minutes, 17 lives were lost, many injured and the peace and sense of security felt by the residents of Parkland was destroyed. 

 

All Americans, especially those living in South Florida, have been asking themselves, “How could this happen and now that it has, what do we do?" As a child psychiatrist, I am prepared to teach parents/families how to talk to their children about the event, as well as how to look for signs that signal when and if your child needs to visit with a mental health provider. However, as a parent, member of the Parkland community and a graduate of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, my information will not quiet the sadness that has fallen over our neighborhood.

 

The first thing to do after a mass shooting or any traumatic event is to talk to your children. Bring up the incident and ask them if they know about what happened. LISTEN to them and be aware of inaccuracies that they might mention. Gently correct the misconceptions or the misinformation and use simple, but clear words to inform them about the facts of the event. Most children and teens will be more aware of what has happened than parents realize – so, if you do not talk to them, the silence can be deafening. It may be scarier for them to imagine what has happened then to be informed of the facts.

 

Encourage your child to ask questions even if it brings up difficult topics that are hard to talk about. Kids will be yearning for a sense of security and will want to know if this type of violence can occur again. Of course, we do not know those answers, but, we must reassure our children that adults (parents, teachers, police) are doing everything that they can to keep them safe. We must be honest, for all kids (even young ones) know that both good and evil exist. Don’t be afraid to talk about how the person responsible was a bad person. For young children, share examples from Disney movies that they can relate to when comparing good and evil. It may be a good idea to encourage young children to express their feelings with drawings while older kids and teens may want to talk about their concerns.

 

It is very important to limit the media exposure for children and teens – this includes social media exposure for adolescents. Try to avoid having your young children see or hear anything on the TV or radio about the shooting. Young children may not understand that the news is replaying the same event repeatedly and may think that it’s a new event each time they hear/see it. When it comes to social media, checking what your child is looking at is important. Children should not be watching videos about the shooting constantly. Also, it is imperative to limit exposure and to ensure that the information that they are seeing is accurate.

It is vital to help your child return to his/her normal routine as quickly as possible. This means returning to school, sporting activities, play dates, and rules and regulations in the home. The sooner that they are back to their “normal” routines, kids will feel safer and less frightened.

Most children and teens are resilient, which means that in a short period of time, they will return to their normal activities and personality. But, what if they don’t? Parents and teachers should be alert to signs of anxiety or depression that might suggest that professional assistance is needed. Examples of behaviors to look out for could be changes in school performance, relationships with peers/teachers, excessive worrying, refusal to attend school, sleeplessness, nightmares, bed wetting, headaches/stomachaches, and/or loss of interest in activities. If you notice any or all these symptoms, please reach out to your pediatrician and/or a mental health provider for guidance.

 

Those of us who have ties with Stoneman Douglas High School and Parkland will continue to grieve and mourn those 17 individuals who died on Wednesday February 14^th. Even though we appreciate everyone’s thoughts and prayers, we are determined to work towards making sure that something like this never happens again. Gun violence and mental health issues are such important topics that must be discussed with children and teens, as well as our legislators and government officials. The alumni from Stoneman Douglas High School, as well as the parents and community of Parkland, Florida will work together to try to ensure the safety of our children as they play, work, and learn both in and out of school.