If this is a question you or someone you know is facing, you are not alone. According to a CBS News Poll, one in five Americans have had the responsibility of taking care of an elderly family member. Eldercare issues are on the rise, along with the stress that they bring to family members. Challenges such as caregiving, driving and transportation, financial decisions, health care decisions, and end-of-life decisions present dilemmas that must be addressed. These decisions tend to be complicated and emotionally charged, and even off-limit in some families.
If you have more than one person involved in the discussion, many times you will have more than one opinion of what should be done resulting in rivalries among adult children. Some families are able to talk openly among themselves about these issues. Sometimes the solutions come easily. Other times there may be raised voices and hurt feelings. Other families put off the discussion until such time as the options are fewer, the emotional turmoil is greater, health and safety may be at risk and everyone is in crisis mode. Relationships among family members become bruised, if not destroyed.
This is where elder mediation can be of benefit before conflicts spiral out of control; elder mediation focuses on what is best for mom or dad while at the same time minimizing family conflict. Mediation can help those families who are unable to talk openly and calmly about these issues: how do we meet difficult challenges in our daily lives as more issues surface that must be addressed?
The mediator will create an atmosphere that promotes discussion and makes everyone feel safe. Everyone is given an opportunity to be heard and to understand what everyone else is saying. The mediator seeks out the underlying and often unspoken issues emphasizing that “understanding” does not always mean “agreeing.” The goal is to have the parties involved come up with a solution before one is mandated by a judge.
Physicians and nurses who witness disagreements can also exercise this option and recommend mediation giving everyone involved an opportunity to express their concerns in a neutral and confidential setting. It can take place in the family home, the hospital room, nursing home, or some other place where everyone feels comfortable.
During these trying times, it is even more important to resolve interpersonal conflicts in peaceful and effective ways. It encourages discussion of difficult topics and gives participants the tools they need to resolve their problems. These processes and skills help individuals to avoid inappropriate or unsafe behaviors and to build healthy relationships during an especially difficult time in life.
Mediation strengthens family ties and enables all family members to deal with the reality of the situation. It helps the family to improve their communication skills with each other. In so doing, the relationship among all of the family members improves. Solutions are only possible when everyone has had an opportunity to express his or her views. With reflection and guided discussion, a deeper understanding of how to deal with conflict effectively in our own lives and help others do the same is established. This is important for the future of that family.
