There is no such thing as a Sunday free lunch in the Felix household — not when Carol is around.
Our marriage “made in Brooklyn” in October 1971 is the perfect combination of opposites … I want to spend Sunday afternoon watching stupid movies (or as Carol characterizes them “idiot” movies) and Carol either has a household project planned or reads the Sunday New York Times cover to cover, including doing the entire crossword puzzle. I think you get the picture.
But seriously, that was last Sunday. We actually had an empty house and nothing scheduled — it was just the two of us. This for anyone familiar with the Felix revolving door was pretty much a miracle. No kids in temporary residence, no grandkids for me to spoil, no early snowbirds seeking a little fun in the sun … just Carol and me.
But after a satisfying Palm Beach Bagel breakfast (albeit Keto-friendly) and enough coffee to sink a ship, I slumped on the couch and found one of my ultimate stupid movies — the infamous Waterworld (probably second only to Ishtar in terms of epic failures.) So with my penchant for bad movies, Carol knew I was settling in for a two-hour marathon of Mad Max action, starvation (the characters not me!) and watery dialogue. And that’s when she struck … and I realized I’d been had.
First, she’d encouraged me to really treat myself with an artery-clogging breakfast, and then watched mutely as I settled in for a long stretch on the couch. And no sooner had I gotten hooked on the whole Waterworld plot once again (or lack of plot), she mentioned this little project on the agenda that day. Of course, she said there was no hurry, and it could certainly wait until after my movie – that was the dead giveaway. I knew this little job had to involve something much bigger. And I fell for it … hook, line and ladder. According to her, bleaching ceiling water stains in 3 different rooms was no big deal.
So can you blame me – when Kevin Costner called for help to defeat the Smokers, I actually yelled out to volunteer! But Kevin didn’t answer, and Carol was suddenly sitting nearby watching me watching the movie. Some will accuse me of being clueless, but even I, got the picture. Yes I was done for, done for the day, done for the movie and all because I was seduced by a big breakfast and a “man dream.” That one “little job” turned out to be not so little, the domino effect coming into play — namely getting the ladder, laying the tarp, donning my slicker and goggles, and by the time I was done, so was my back. Nothing more for me to do than curl up with 2 Advil and a heating pad to watch a real man defeat his enemy. (There are no ceiling water stains in the ocean.)
Charles can be reached at charles@southfloridahospitalnews.com.
