Each religion has its own set of rules and principles, a set way of living. Spiritual beliefs and religion are at the core of many people’s lives and have a huge impact on end-of-life decisions in particular. For example, someone who is Buddhist and believes in reincarnation views end-of-life in a much different light than a Christian who believes in going to Heaven. But no matter the religion, everyone’s spiritual history affects their current and future choices. For instance, how someone dealt with a parent’s death in the past may shape the decisions he or she later makes for a dying spouse or sibling.Our job as members of the Pastoral Care Team at St. Mary’s Medical Center isn’t to convert anyone, but to serve as nonjudgmental listeners for patients and their families, to care for them mentally and emotionally. Whether they need to pour out their feelings about an illness, a problem with a relative or just want to talk about their future – that’s what we’re here for.
When people are asked to make a medical choice for a family member, most of the time they don’t have a medical background and often base their decision on emotion, faith and/or psychological influences. However, these influences have concrete medical ramifications. One situation involved a woman who knew her son wasn’t going to make it, but couldn’t bring herself to transfer him to Hospice care. Faith was her issue – she believed if her son didn’t proclaim Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, he wouldn’t receive salvation and his soul would be lost. We explained to her that keeping him alive would only continue to cause him pain and suffering. We sat and prayed with her and talked about how God, who is merciful, was with her son at that very moment. By not imposing our beliefs on her, but instead, guiding her to a place of peace and understanding, we helped her let him go.
We’ve also been called upon to speak with family members who aren’t on the same page as one another. With our guidance and support, they learn to use their faith system as a resource, not as a battleground. We work to strengthen people’s relationships and remind them that they all want the best for their loved one.
The heart of the matter is that love is the strongest force in the universe – you don’t stop loving someone when they die and they don’t stop loving you. At St. Mary’s, we help patients tap into the sources of love in their lives and help them to find meaning in life, suffering and even death.
