Learn from What the Patient Needs. Listen to What the Patient Wants.

 

A chaplain is a key member of every interdisciplinary hospice team. As a hospice chaplain with VITAS Healthcare, it is my job to address the spiritual pain of dying.

 

I do this by learning what the patient needs, and listening to what the patient wants, a basic precept of hospice. Quite simply, I meet the patient wherever they are. It’s called “being present,” and it may be the hardest thing I do as a chaplain.

 

Spiritual pain exists at the end of life, whether or not a patient embraces a specific religion or faith. It might manifest as:

• The inevitable pain of “Why me?”

• Fear of the unknown, from physical symptoms to the existence or lack of an afterlife.

• Anguish about loved ones and friends who will be left behind.

• The desire for forgiveness, reconciliation and to love and receive love.

• The impact of rituals and traditions of their faith tradition, and how that person, in that moment, experiences their spirituality.

 

As a hospice chaplain, I don’t provide answers; I don’t fix anything. Instead, I coach. I help others find their own strengths. I support patients. I listen without interrupting or correcting. I encourage them to express what they are feeling.

 

Sometimes I sit with patients and their families in silence, reminding myself that silence is often most powerful when it allows deeper feelings to emerge, most comforting when two souls simply share the silence together. If I feel compelled to say something, I try to repeat what the patient has said, as confirmation that they are being heard.

 

I might ask patients and their families about the pictures on the wall, their family, pets or memories they’d like to share. Remembering good times can change the tenor of the day.

 

What I don’t do is impose my own theological or philosophical beliefs. If a patient wants to hear a favorite reading or a passage from a holy book or a faith-specific prayer, or to talk about their faith, I can usually accommodate. If they need a religion-specific ritual, I can request that a leader from within their spiritual community who shares their faith visit the patient and fulfill the request.

 

Over the years, I have come to expect the unexpected; hospice chaplaincy can be challenging, but immensely rewarding. But I know I can count on this: Learn from what the patient needs, and listen to what the patient wants.